


Tanith's Diary

by Caraidean



Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: F/F, I just like the idea of Tanith being very very similar to Marcia at one point, Relationship Breaking Up, diary format, former relationship, like a solid 98 percent headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 09:56:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13761666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caraidean/pseuds/Caraidean
Summary: For Tellius Rare Week 2018. Day Four Prompt: Past / Dreams. On her tenth birthday, a flighty heiress to the Duchy of Culbert was given a diary. For the next sixteen years, she writes in it once a week.





	Tanith's Diary

Dear Diary, 

Today I turned ten years old! My mother says it's important to have some kind of discipline in my life, so she gave me this and said I should write at least a solid paragraph every week. Not necessarily of what happened, but just of what I was thinking. She said it's a very ladylike way to vent. I don't understand it, but my big brothers Kothar and Salim say it seems like the kind of thing I should do. Kothar says I'm too wild and need more discipline. Then father grounded me because I punched him in the side. Well, that's all I can think of for now. I hope mother doesn't get mad that I've not written enough...

\- Tanith, Age 10

* * *

Dear Diary, 

Two years is a long time, huh? But I'm not even halfway through this book. A lot of my old entries from when I was smaller are really short, and I think this one will be too. I've got a baby sister now! Her name is Anath, and she's so cute I could die. I can't wait to be a mother if it means looking after someone like Anath. Salim started coughing when I asked him where babies came from, though...guess I'll have to speak with mother or father instead. 

\- Tanith, Age 12

* * *

Dear Diary, 

Mother and Father keep pointing out that soon I will have to decide what to do with my life. My brothers keep me from inheriting, and you know what? They can keep it. I don't feel suited to a life of sitting around doing paperwork and running people's lives for them, I want to  _do_  something with my life. Ashera be good, but I also don't want to deal with suitors as well. Already my parents have been mumbling about arranging me to meet with Earl Irvin's son Valtome, who runs one of the counties that makes up Culbert. I don't like his nose, or his hair. I have an overwhelming urge to punch him whenever I see him. 

So...the church, or the military? We'll have to see.

\- Tanith, Age 14

* * *

Dear Diary, 

Oh, gods, was this a mistake. I've been a trainee for about a week, and I have never experienced such torture. Did you know they expect you up at five every morning, and you don't even get any breakfast? It's the worst. I wrote to Salim and Kothar, and they laughed and said I should have been taking this more seriously. Well I'll show them. I'll be the best pegasus knight that the Holy Guard has ever seen! I'll even get a nickname, something to strike fear into the hearts of the enemy! Something like...Great Angel of Begnion, something like that. Yeah, that sounds about right. Oh, there's this really nice older trainee here as well, she's been so kind to me! She's kind to everyone. It's a little disturbing.

I have to stop writing before someone yells at me for writing when I'm meant to be polishing my armor...

\- Recruit Tanith, Age 16

* * *

Journal Entry #308, 

It has been eight years since I received this journal. Since then, a lot has changed. For a long time, the only sense of discipline in my life was updating this once a week, from when I turned ten onwards. Over the last week, however, many things have happened that have forced me to change perspective on my life.   
For the last year, Culbert has been wracked with a plague. So far, it has resulted in the deaths of five hundred civilians, multiple lower-tier nobility in the area, and almost all of my family. My parents perished first, then my older brothers. My younger sister is bedridden, and they do not expect her to survive the fortnight. I spent most of the last night crying, only Sigrun to comfort me. We have grown close. 

A choice was given to me by my commander - I could return to Culbert and take my inheritance as Duchess, or I could stay with the Guard. I've worked so hard in the last year since I was allowed into the ranks proper. My teachers at the academy always said I was gifted, and now that I am applying myself proper they tell me there is no limit to the heights I could reach. Do I really want to give up my life to reclaim my birthright?

...no. I remember how proud of my decision my mother was. I won't abandon that pride, or my decisions. Let Earl Valtome and his bloodline step up to control Culbert proper, he has always seemed far more invested in the politics than my siblings and I. 

I should begin packing for the journey home. Their funerals begin next week. By pegasus flight, I should have more than enough time to travel there...

\- Pegasus Knight Tanith, Age 18

* * *

Journal Entry #412

I received a promotion last night, to Wing-Commander - Sigrun's old posting. It seems I'm always going to be a step behind her, although to be fair at least part of that is on her seniority. I have no ill will towards her, and she's certainly more well-suited to the rigors of command than I am. Still, I hope I can do her proud. I've become far more disciplined in the last year, and truth be told it feels right. Certainly, some days I miss being flighty and childish, but people grow up. I can serve my country far better like this, and my dreams as well. 

Tomorrow I will take my new squadron out on their first mission. I hope I impress. 

\- Wing-Commander Tanith, Age 22

* * *

Journal Entry #520

I never thought I would resent my rank, but this week I simply feel sick from it. Recently my relationship with Sigrun had grown...more than professional or friendly, but we had to end that level of intimacy as she was promoted from Wing Commander to Deputy-Commander of the Holy Guard. We had a few blissful months on an equal footing, and I will admit to having enjoyed a more physical relationship with her than was appropriate, but it had to end last night. Neither of us think it is proper to continue a relationship while one outranks the other.

Considering that there can only be one Deputy-Commander and one Commander, we will never have that equality between us again, unless one of us abandoned the Holy Guard. Neither of us are willing to make that sacrifice. 

I think I shall go and spend some time alone, this weekend. Perhaps I will visit Culbert. 

\- Division Commander Tanith, Age 24

* * *

Journal Entry #624,

In the interests of national security, this is to be my final entry. Last week, I received a promotion to Deputy Commander of the Holy Guard. In addition, I have been given a task of the utmost importance - together with Sephiran, Duke of Persis, and Commander Sigrun, I am to begin caring for the Apostle immediately. Such a delicate task means that keeping a personal record like this, which could be easily compromised, is no longer possible. So I leave this last indulgence from my childhood behind, safe in the knowledge that I have achieved my goals, at least to an extent. While it irks me somewhat to leave it at such an odd number, it is hardly as if that is the greatest concerns in my life. So, with six hundred and twenty-four weeks of my life recorded, perhaps it is time to look back at them and reminisce for a moment. 

Before that, however, my feelings on the matter forcing me to end it. As noted previously, the Apostle is a child. I believe that putting her through such a task at such a young age is wrong, and considering the words of Duke Persis he agrees with me, although finds no other course of action. Granted, for the two years I have observed her from afar, she has done a remarkable job for one so young. I am certain that at least part of that is the influence of Duke Persis, but perhaps the child is brighter and more tenacious than I had expected. Commander Sigrun, as always, is a fine and charming woman who seemed relieved to have at least some of the pressure taken off of her. The Duke himself is enigmatic, and seems to be strangely obsessed with driving me as absolutely insane as he can. Although, I shall grant him this...he is quite possibly the most beautiful man I have ever seen. 

Now, my past. I dread the idea of any of my recruits ever finding out how precocious I was during training, or as a child - unprofessional and something of a menace. I find now that I can barely remember Kothar or Selim's faces, something which shames me. Is this the ending that my family deserves? Death in a plague, and then abandoned for the sake of my career? I must focus on moving forwards, constantly. My choices have been made, and now that I have relinquished my titles I can never return to Culbert even if I wished to.

Occasionally, I hear tales of how Valtome is treating his new subjects, and my hands tremor with rage, but I must stay the course. A woman could never survive in the senate, not when surrounded by those vultures. If I wish to change this country for the better, it has to be from within the Holy Guard. I will become the most respected Knight of my generation, and hopefully from there I can help Begnion rise from this filth it has sunk into. 

And so, my past self, farewell. I consign you to spending the rest of your days in a lockbox in my drawer, never to be looked at again. I promise myself, no matter what changes, I will always move forwards and keep my head raised. I am the Deputy Commander of the Holy Guard of Begnion, and I will damned well act like it. My career and my duty are now the most important things in my life, and I doubt anything will change it to such an extent where I need to record some petty emotions on a piece of paper that nobody else shall ever read.

Goodbye.

\- Deputy-Commander Tanith, Age 26

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today she called me Mother.

\- Tanith, Age 28


End file.
